Not exactly the best thing about Mumbai!

There are infinite things that make Mumbai one of the best cities in the world. Its people, its culture, its history and most importantly its spirit. But you’ll forget all this once you become a part of an epic adventure that is Mumbai’s traffic. I think almost all Mumbaikars are accustomed to the torment of being stuck in traffic for hours on end.

If you are travelling in the morning – everyone is in a rush to reach their workplace on time, and if you are travelling in the evening everyone wants to reach home as soon as possible. It’s almost like a competition to see who is going to reach their destination first, and rainy season provides no solace whatsoever to the average Mumbaikar; with potholes that greet you at every 10 feet, water logging, and the general idea of ‘Road tere baap ka nahi hai’ (this road doesn’t belong to your father).

When we were watching the movie Mission Impossible and I saw Tom Cruise riding his bike towards oncoming traffic on the streets of Paris as the cops are chasing him, a thought crossed my mind – what would happen if he tried doing the same thing on the streets of Mumbai. Within seconds he would either hit a car that was changing lanes (because what are traffic lanes anyway?) Or hit a pothole. Dear Ethan Hunt wouldn’t be able to escape in time and save the world.

I think most of the chaos of Mumbai traffic is rooted in the total disregard for traffic lanes. They are nothing more than drawings on the roads. There is no concept of lanes in Mumbai, you drive wherever you find space. If you’re a motor-bike rider then worry not because you can twist, turn, dodge a few cars, do some Dhoom like stunts and weave in and out of traffic in a jiffy. Here, helmets are worn to avoid paying fine and not because they are for our protection.

It doesn’t matter if you are driving a Jaguar or the humble Nano, Mumbai traffic never discriminates. It just takes one turn at the wrong time and BAM! There go your 45 minutes. And if you’re stuck at a signal with a countdown timer then it’s mandatory for you to keep honking when the timer reaches 7-6-5-…. It’s as if, if you don’t honk, the earth will exert enormous gravitational pull and prevent the cars ahead of you from moving.

I think Urban Clap will soon expand their salon services from home to cars. Their advertisements will be like – Stuck in traffic? Why not get a facial done? Or maybe a mani pedi?  Isn’t this a million dollar idea? It’s like the Russian lady I read about, who knits when she is stuck in traffic. 

Well, jokes aside, I love Mumbai, it’s my city, and no amount of traffic will deter my love for it. But I really do hope someone will be able to solve our traffic problems sooner rather than later (Flying cars, maybe?). Till then it’s either my way or the highway (quite literally!).